Wednesday, 16 May 2012

England squad makes everyone really happy

Despite a few spasms of fury over various social media, the entire country seemed to emit a collective and resigned 'meh' today as the England squad for 2012 was announced. It was like Roy Hodgson, seeing what a great state the country is in, decided to give everyone a sharp kick in the jingoes. Some of the players included in the 23-man squad, chiefly Terry, Lampard and Gerrard, carry such a weight of disappointment it's amazing they can lever themselves back up after tying their bootlaces.

The result is that it's hard not to want this England team to fail – and I say that as a genuine lover of the English football team. Year after year, tournament after tournament, I have screamed in vain at the desperate attempts of the 'golden generation' to compete with even mediocre national teams. Time and time again we've seen them fail to show any possessional nous in midfield, to the point where our only options are a hopeful Terry lump forward or a 40-yard Gerrard wunderpass that gets cut out by the first opposition player.

In future, the selection of the England team should be crowd-sourced, so we can finally come together as a nation of people that stand in pubs watching England fail and telling everyone they could do better. That way, Stewart Downing wouldn't have got within an easyJet flight of Poland and Ukraine this summer, and we'd be celebrating the inclusion of one of those very rare English players – one who can hold onto the ball in midfield, look up, take his time, hold up play, and then lay the ball off. No, not Paul Scholes (I wish), but Michael Carrick. His non-selection will haunt this England team.

To sum up: same old shit.

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